Building Hope Counseling Services

Setting boundaries for the holidays, part two!

The first post in this series focused on setting boundaries with people around you. This post is focusing on setting boundaries within yourself.

You heard me! We do not just set boundaries around how other people treat us! We also have to set boundaries with how we treat other people and how we treat ourselves.

Keep reading for some more holiday tips. Don’t forget to head over to Help! I’m Home for the Holidays! Part 1 to learn how to set boundaries with friends, family, and your finances.

Time Management and Balancing Your Responsibilities

This time of year, you may want to go to a lot of parties, see as many people as possible, or spend time volunteering in your community. Let’s explore how to set boundaries around your time.

Prioritize – My dad has a saying: “You can have anything you want, but you can’t have everything you want.” Sometimes you have to make a choice about what is most important to you. Prioritize your desires and manage your schedule accordingly. Which leads us to suggestions #2 and #3…

Set time limits – Maintaining your physical and mental health during the holidays is incredibly important. If spending all day at a party, gathering, or service is going to result in you being fatigued, sluggish, irritable, or cranky, feel free to dip out early! Similarly to setting time limits with toxic family members, let others involved in your commitments know what time you will be leaving to avoid any resentment or frustration when the time comes.

Learn how to say no – If there are events coming up that add more stress than joy to this season, you do not have to do them! “But what about -?” Nope! “Won’t she think -?” Doesn’t matter! “I don’t want anyone to –“ What about you? What about what you want? If the choice is between someone else’s comfort and your sanity, what do you choose? Say yes to what you have the emotional capacity to do and leave the rest behind.

Shouldn’t I Be Happier?

Hollywood, social media, and society at large pressures us into putting on a happy face this time of year. You don’t want to be labeled a Grinch or a Scrooge, do you? I’ll let you in on something I’ve learned as a therapist and as a human – Most people are struggling but not sharing their struggles, especially towards the end of the year. I have some ideas for how to set boundaries with your own self this holiday season.

Give yourself some grace – Maybe some of your behaviors and actions this year have led to you feeling lonely this holiday season. Take this opportunity to offer yourself kindness, forgiveness, and grace. Reflect on who you are and who you want to be and try again in 2024.

Limit social media – President Theordore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Please remember as you consume social media this month, and always, that people post their highlight reels and not their bloopers. Someone can be very happy on camera and totally miserable when they turn it off. Social media is not real. So, if you find that being online in this season is adding to anxiety, depression, or stress, try to limit your engagement. There are features on apps such as Instagram and TikTok to remind you to take breaks if you’ve been on for too long or for more than you want to be in one day.

Practice self-compassion – Whatever you are struggling with this time of year, be kind to yourself. Being broke and then being mean to yourself about being broke isn’t going to help the situation. Practice some acceptance and positive self-talk! Set a boundary with yourself around how you are going to treat yourself when you are struggling.

Wishing you…

Yuletide Greetings. Merry Everything. And the Happiest of Holidays.