Building Hope Counseling Services

Have you ever wondered why you think the things you think about yourself? Or way these beliefs you “know” aren’t true seem to be written into your bones, controlling your every decision? Then today’s post is just for you.

The human brain is a little detective. When it is given information, the brain will find all the evidence it can to support that belief, regardless of the truth of the belief itself. And the brain is very good at this job.

Many beliefs that you have about yourself as an adult started in childhood. When faced with a scary or stressful situation, it would be too much for a little tiny human to believe that people who are supposed to protect

them are hurting them. So instead, the human brain adopts the belief “there is something wrong with me. That’s why this is happening!” With this belief, the brain and body work together to act in a way that will protect the tiny human from harm, such as befriending their abuser or making themselves as needless as possible.

This is incredibly adaptive. If, as a small human, you understood that your parents were not safe people, you would have behaved in a way that would have increased the amount of danger you were in. Focusing internally gives you as a tiny human some sense of control over the situation, ultimately protecting you from further harm.

From there, the brain goes into detective-mode. It collects all the evidence it can as you grow to support the negative belief learned in childhood. In EMDR, we call this a memory network.

Keep in mind – The brain’s job is to keep you safe, not make you happy. Therefore, many people, especially those who have experienced trauma, are constantly searching for evidence to support the beliefs that kept them safe in their childhoods.

The good news! There is also a – usually slightly weaker – memory network that supports positive beliefs. Through the process of EMDR, we are able to reduce the vividness of negative memories and associate those memories with more positive and adaptive beliefs.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – There’s nothing wrong with you. Your brain and body react just as brains and bodies react when they are experiencing stressful situations. It was the situation that was abnormal, not you. Your parents shouldn’t have hit you. That guy shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. You should never have been homeless or hungry or uncared for. It wasn’t your fault.

Do you want to know more about healing from trauma? You can check out the last four posts in this series “Healing Trauma” or you can comment a question and I will write another article, just for you! If you are reading this article via your email, you can submit a comment by simply replying to the email.

I’m so happy we are going on this journey together. Happy Healing!