Building Hope Counseling Services

Psychological flexibility is the ability to be agile during life’s trials. It is the ability to bend without breaking when life demands that you move. Learning to be psychologically flexible is a key component to mental wellness (Berman, 2022). Benefits of psychological flexibility include decreased experience of anxiety, depression, and trauma related symptoms, as well as an increase in resiliency. The mantra I use with my clients to help them understand this concept is:

More like water. Less like wood.

The Mighty Oak

A lot of us are taught to react to stressful situations like a mighty oak. Often, an oak is tall and strong. It can withstand many storms. However, if the storm is too strong, if the wind is too brutal, if the rain is too persistent then the oak will fall. Branches may snap, leaves could be shed, or its roots might be torn from the ground. Once an oak is shaken, it is hard for it to recover. If roots are pulled up, they are not easily replanted. If the trunk is ripped in half, there is no life left. What you are left with is a large piece of wood blocking the road and endangering the neighborhood.

Can you think of a time where you reacted to life like an oak? Sometimes we just want what we want, and we struggle to practice the flexibility that allows us to new perspectives. What was the outcome of your inflexibility?

The Fierce and Flexible Ocean

What happens when a storm hits the ocean? The rainfall is absorbed into this body of water. The wind kicks up the waves and then the ocean assumes its original form. Lightning may strike, but it will not set fire to the ocean, as it might with the mighty oak. The topmost part of the ocean will be electrified, but deep within the depths, the lightning has no power (BBC, 2014). The ocean is fierce and not to be messed with. The ocean is gentle, and she is flexible.

Imagine what life would look like if you were to react like the ocean instead of like a tree. Would you be able to handle life’s hard times more effectively? Notice any sensations in your body as you visualize yourself handling life with the grace of the ocean. Does this idea conjure a sense of peace or anxiety for you?

In Summary

When adversity hits – When the lightning strikes and the rain falls – We have options in how we can react. If we react like the mighty oak, we will stand tall for a little while. But eventually life will overcome us, and we will be destroyed in one way or another. If we react like the ocean, we will flow easily with life’s circumstances, understanding our ability to take many shapes to withstand the hardest moments with grace and plasticity.

Today I challenge you to carry the following mantra with you to help you handle any storm – whether it be drizzle or it be hurricane:

More like water. Less like wood.

Resources:

If you are struggling with your mental health and need immediate assistance in the United States, please reach out to the National Suicide and Crisis Hotline by dialing 988 or by going to their website, 988lifeline.org. You do not need to be suicidal to reach out for help, the purpose of this hotline is to offer immediate help to anyone who is struggling with their mental health.

If you are struggling with your mental health and are searching for longer term care in the United States, please head to psychologytoday.com. On Psychology Today you can find therapists in your area who specialize in your issues and accept your insurance. If you are nervous to get started, you can ask a potential therapist for a 15-minute consultation prior to scheduling a full appointment.

If you are struggling with your mental health and are searching for longer term care in Massachusetts, please fill out the contact form on this website, buildinghopema.com. I would love to hear from you and to see if we are a good therapeutic fit.

References

BBC. (2014, July 28). Who, what, why: What happens when lightning hits the sea?. BBC News. https://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-magazine-monitor-28521789

Berman, M. (2022, March). Psychological flexibility: The power of staying present. BetterUp. https://www.betterup.com/blog/psychological-flexibility#:~:text=Psychological%20flexibility%20supports%20emotion%20regulation,term%20emotions%20they’re%20experiencing.