Building Hope Counseling Services

Our beloved Matthew Perry died last week. Matthew Perry was best known for his role as Chandler Bing in the show Friends and for his advocacy work in the field of addiction. It was so important to him, specifically in the past few years, that people knew that it is possible to heal from addiction, writing his memoir largely about his struggle with substance abuse. So, this one is for you, Matty.

Addiction impacts millions of lives in the United States each year. 1 in 10 Americans over the age of 12 have an alcohol use disorder and about 50,000 people die annually from opioid overdose. There are many risk factors, including genetics, family dynamics, and trauma, and protective factors, such as parental involvement and access to resources, that impact if someone develops a substance abuse disorder. Brains scans of those who struggle with addiction show that the literal structure of a person’s brain changes when they become addicted to various substances. Addiction has been villainized, stigmatized, and criminalized. Often those who struggle with addiction will be sent to jails and prisons rather than treatment centers for the help they need and deserve. There’s got to be a better way.  

Internal Family Systems, a research based therapeutic style created by Dr. Richard Schwartz, argues that addiction merely a part of who a person is. Dr. Schwartz speaks of the “multiplicity of the mind”, meaning that all of us have different parts of us that have different desires and roles. You may have unknowingly used this language yourself, “A part of me wants a brownie, but another part wants to eat healthy”.  Some parts of us are to be protected and some parts are meant to be protective. What if addiction is a way that your mind and body protect you from harm?

This may sound a little wild at first. “Mikaela, my addiction has taken everything away from me. I lost my kids, my spouse, my house. How is this thing trying to protect me?” Imagine an addiction part as a firefighter. If a wound has been created, activated, or triggered – set on fire – an addiction part may develop to help a person manage the pain from the wound – acting as a firefighter. This part douses the pain in drugs and alcohol, which does decrease the original pain, but inadvertently creates a new kind of problem.

Imagine this: You are a child, and you spill paint. In an effort to clean up the paint, you create an even larger mess, getting paint on the carpet, the table, and the walls. You are desperately trying to help, trying to make things better. But all you have accomplished is the creation of a larger issue which your parent must handle. A parent may react in several ways, such as compassion and understanding or frustration and irritation. How would you feel if you kept trying to help and the person you were trying to help responded with anger and disdain? How may things feel different if your intention were the focus rather than the impact? Apply this idea to an addiction part of a person. Addiction is a part of a person that creates chaos in an effort to clean up a different mess.

Those who struggle with addiction deserve our compassion and support. Addiction treatment is a necessary and essential step in helping substance abusers heal. To be effective, addiction treatment requires a trauma informed lens. Techniques such as Internal Family Systems, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or Cognitive Processing Therapy can be beneficial parts of healing from trauma and recovering from addiction. (Comment below if you are interested in a deep dive blog post into trauma therapy!)

In his book, “Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing”, Matthew Perry has the realization while in recovery, “Maybe I’m not so bad after all”. There is no part of you that makes you unworthy. There is no part of you that is bad or needs to be punished. In her book about her struggle with heroin addiction, “Strung Out”, author Erin Khar states, “I hope you know you are worthwhile and meant to be here”, and I hope you understand this today. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, you are not alone. I am so glad you are here. Check out the resources below for help.

In memory of Matthew Perry, 1969 – 2023. May your spirit of creativity and advocacy live on within each of us who remember your legacy. Rest in peace.

Try this to improve self awareness and emotional regulation!

Take a deep breath in through your nose and slowly exhale through your mouth. Do this as many times as necessary to center yourself and relax into the moment. When you are ready, allow your breath to return to normal. Follow your breath into your inner world.

Notice any thoughts, sensations, or emotions that arise in this moment. What part of you is presenting itself right now?

Allow yourself to view this part with curiosity. Where do you feel them? What thoughts belong to them? Do they take a particular shape or form? Does a certain color describe their presence? You may ask this part, “What is your purpose?”, “What is your intention?”, or “What are you trying to communicate to me?” You may express curiosity if this part is carrying a burden or a joy for you. Stay curious about this part for as long as you desire.

If and when it feels right to you, see if you can shift from curiosity to compassion towards this part. Can you express understanding to them regarding their intentions? Is it possible to witness their pain with openness and love? Maybe you just need to sit with this part for a moment, quietly offering support.

If and when you are ready, shift once again from compassion towards gratitude. Offer this part appreciation for the intention they bring. Identify one positive outcome from this part, such as protecting you from a particular trigger or helping you avoid external stress.

Notice how this part may feel different than it did at the beginning of this exercise. Has their shape shifted or changed? Is their color the same shade? What sensations do you notice? Continue to notice any changes for as long as feels right to you.

When you are ready, take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. Follow your breath back to the outside world.

Book Suggestions:

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir by Matthew Perry

Introduction to Internal Family Systems by Dr. Richard Schwartz

Strung Out: One Last Hit and Other Lies That Nearly Killed Me by Erin Khar

Resources:

If you are struggling with your mental health and need immediate assistance in the United States, please reach out to the National Suicide and Crisis Hotline by dialing 988 or by going to their website, http://www.988lifeline.org. You do not need to be suicidal to reach out for help, the purpose of this hotline is to offer immediate help to anyone who is struggling with their mental health.

If you are struggling with addiction in the United States, please head to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administrations website at http://www.samhsa.gov or call 877-726-4727. Here you can find national and location information on detox and rehabilitation services.

If you are struggling with your mental health and are searching for longer term care in the United States, please head to http://www.psychologytoday.com. On Psychology Today you can find therapists in your area who specialize in your issues and accept your insurance. If you are nervous to get started, you can ask a potential therapist for a 15-minute consultation prior to scheduling a full appointment.

If you are struggling with your mental health and are searching for longer term care in Massachusetts, please fill out the contact form on this website, http://www.buildinghopema.com. I would love to hear from you and to see if we are a good therapeutic fit.

References:

Khar, E. (2020). Strung out: One last hit and other lies that nearly killed me: A memoir. story, Park Row Books.

Perry, M. (2022). Friends, lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir. Flatiron Books.

Schwartz, R. C. (2023). Introduction to Internal Family Systems. story, Sounds True.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2023). Substance abuse and mental health services administration. SAMHSA. https://www.samhsa.gov/