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If you have been following along with my Healing Trauma series, you may already be familiar with the fight or flight response mentioned in Part 1. Today we are going to take a deeper look at trauma responses and the impact these responses may have on your day-to-day life.

A reminder! Trauma can be anything from bullying to family separation to sexual assault to being in physical danger. You decide what was traumatic to you based on your own ability to cope with the stress that the event caused.

In the early 2000s, what had been named the fight or flight response was expanded to include other, mostly cognitive, reactions to stress and trauma, with new responses known as freeze, fawn, and fold being named.

Fighting and flighting are not always the safest or most reasonable responses to a stressful situation. This is when cognitive responses can take over.

Fight or Flight

Fight or flight is a physiological response to danger. It is as involuntary as any other bodily function, like breathing or sweating. Adrenaline rushes through the blood stream, the heart rate speeds up, attention begins to narrow to a point and the body is given two choices – Fight like hell or run away as quickly as possible.

Fighting might look like verbal or physical aggression, anger, or a need to dominate a situation. Physically it can look like pushing, punching, or shoving something away from you. Outbursts can be incredibly effective at pushing a danger away from you, physically, emotionally, or otherwise.

Flight might have a physical response like shaking.  Sometimes you might become so overwhelmed that you need to get away – Maybe you have a pattern of leaving relationships, locations, jobs, kids, or responsibilities when you get stressed. This is your flight response kicking into high gear to keep you safe.

Fight or flight was incredibly effective when human’s daily threat was a bear or perhaps a tiger. Unfortunately for us, the fight or flight system does not know the difference between a bear attack or someone sending us a mean email. All sorts of things can trigger this reaction, from being in physical danger to experiencing an emotionally unsafe situation.  

But sometimes fight or flight are not reasonable options.

For example, if a child is being abused by their parent, it would not be safe or feasible for them to fight the parent or to run away from home at six years old. This child’s body will choose another way to manage the threat of their home life.

Let’s continue to explore what happens if fight or flight is not available to you!

Freeze

Freeze responses can manifest in a myriad of ways. For example, someone who is experiencing a freeze response may feel their mind go blank. They may struggle to make decisions, big or small, from if they should break up with a partner to what they could make for dinner. I’ve often heard the freeze response feeling like a physical, emotional, or mental stuck-ness. And, of course, you might actually, physically freeze.

If a caregiver is angry, a child might find that staying still and quiet is a good way to avoid their ire. If there are louder, more obvious targets (like siblings or the another caregiver in the room), the frozen child may have found safety for a little while.

Have you ever felt like a deer in headlights? That was your freeze response!

Fawn

This response is also known by a few other names, including “tend and befriend” and “people pleasing”.

The freeze response is especially common in women faced with sexual danger or exploitation. An example of the fawn response is a woman who chooses to have a drink or even sex with someone they are not interested in, because fighting a man might lead to more danger than giving into what he wants. This response may be safer than fighting or running away when an aggressive human who is larger than you is the danger.  

Children who are raised in abusive homes may also develop a fawn response by learning to anticipate which of their actions will elicit a positive response from their caregivers. Many children in these situations erroneously believe that they are responsible for their caregivers’ outbursts. The child furthers this belief with the understanding that if they can pick up the cues, they can avoid their caregivers’ anger.

Some people experiencing the fawn reaction might ignore red flags and become quickly attached to an abusive partner. They may make choices at the expense of their safety in the name of caring for another person.

Fold

Giving up, a sense of hopelessness, or a resignation to one’s fate is known as a fold response. This response may look very similar to depression or dissociation.

Again, fight or flight is not always a safe option. Folding can be effective in helping a person to withstand a negative event that they cannot change or control. Those who experience a fold response may become submissive, in a different way from fawning, in order to minimize the damage experienced from an abuser.

Final Thoughts!

Stress responses fall into five categories. These responses are easy to remember by their alliteration – Fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or fold. These responses are your body’s natural way of trying to protect you from danger.

You don’t get to choose your stress response. It is natural and automatic. One response is not better than another. I have experienced a client with every response, wishing they could experience another response. The grass is not greener, there are benefits and consequences to each response.

Thank you for coming along this Healing Trauma journey with me! I hope you are enjoying learning about topics I could think about endlessly – trauma, its consequences, and how to move forward after stressful life events.

Do you have an idea for an upcoming blog post? Let me know! Comment your questions below or by answering this email.    

Quiz! Discover your stress response!

Someone at work is very angry and begins to raise their voice at you. What do you?

A. Raise my voice back at them!
B. Leave the room as quickly as possible.
C. Stand still, unable to think of any responses, but panicked inside.
D. Smile and tell them that I understand why they’re so upset and will do my best to fix the issue immediately.
E. Shut down. I quietly nod along to get the verbal lashing over with.

Your parent is upset with you. They take a step towards you as they glare at you. What do you do?

A. Shove them away from me!
B. Run out of the house.
C. Stand in shock, stone still.
D. Apologize profusely for upsetting them.
E. Didn’t even notice them take a step forward because I was on a different plane mentally.

Your spouse accuses you of infidelity without cause. What do you do?

A. Excuse ME?! I begin to tell them about themselves in excruciating detail.
B. Maybe we need some space. I head to a hotel.
C. My mind is totally blank. I want to defend myself, but I can’t seem to think straight.
D. Of course, I understand! I apologize for even giving them the impression that they couldn’t trust me.
E. They’re going to leave me, one way or another. I don’t defend myself.

Your boss sends you an email that says, “Come see me at the end of the day” … No other context. What do you do?

A. Begin to get angry thinking about how inconsiderate the email was.
B. Leave work early, bring home everything I need to work from home the next few days, and tell my boss I’m sick for the rest of the week.
C. I can’t seem to get any work done for the rest of the day.
D. Quickly reply that I look forward to the meeting!
E. I can’t seem to remember the rest of the day. It’s all a blur.

Your family finances are out of control. Every day a new bill comes and with it, a worry of how you’ll survive tomorrow. What do you do?

A. I’m fighting with my spouse before, during, and after work every day.
B. I’m never home to deal with it.
C. I want to apply to better paying jobs, but I can’t handle those applications.
D. My spouse blames me, and I know why. I pick up a third job so they won’t have to worry.
E. The lights are getting turned off tomorrow. Heat’s up after that. Not much I can do to change it.

What did you get?

Mostly A’s – Fight response! Your body protects you by getting angry.

Mostly B’s – Flight response! Your body protects you by running away.

Mostly C’s – Freeze response! Your body protects you by becoming small and still.

Mostly D’s – Fawn response! Your body protects you by becoming friends with the threat.

Mostly E’s – Fold response! Your body protects you by getting the situation over with as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Suggested Reading

Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel (2021). McDaniel takes a deep dive into attachment trauma and all its manifestations, especially as it relates to mothers and daughters.